PEOPLE ARE convinced and make decisions in different ways. If we listen for the clues, we'll know what to say to persuade them.

Here are two things in particular to listen for:

First, what convinces your friends more - other peoples' opinions or their own? To appeal to people, who are swayed by others, tell them what others say or how popular your idea is. If you want to persuade people who `just know', who trust their own opinion more, appeal to what they know, inside themselves, to be true.

Then find out whether they want to avoid something (e.g. a disastrous holiday that costs a small fortune and bores them to tears) or gain something (a fantastic holiday that is filled with excitement and renews their energy)? To find out, ask a question and listen to the answer (`What do you want from your holiday?') Their answer will tell you whether to tailor your explanations to unpleasant things you can help them avoid, or benefits you can help them gain.

Paying attention to these two ways people think will increase your ability to win people over.